Friday, April 6, 2012

Zombies and Pop Tarts

Thanks to my good gahllie, some facebook friends, and the hubster, I have gotten in to zombies. I am not obsessed. I can definitely live without them, but they are everywhere lately and I figure, if I can't beat 'em, join 'em.

So, this morning while I was washing my hair in the shower and silently praying that I wouldn't get eaten alive while my eyes were closed, I asked myself a groundbreaking question:

Why must zombies eat people?

Well, because they are hungry! Duh. Zombies aren't vicious or evil, they are simply starving. And of course they are; we shun them from society, how on earth are they supposed to get a good meal? So instead of freaking out and running around till they take a nibble of your arm why can't we just toss 'em pop tart? Or better yet, a snickers bar! Those are satisfying, right?

Okay, so maybe we wouldn't have the awesomeness of The Walking Dead or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies if zombies were snacking on veggie burgers instead of your vital organs, but there could still be an apocalypse of the worldwide famine sort.  If we opened up the grocery stores and gave zombies free range of our farms and Frigidaires, food would definitely start to get scarce. Humans could still die and give writers something dramatic to write about, the whole thing just wouldn't be as bloody. And, think about it, we wouldn't have to deal with this drooling blood thing that zombies are so hot on. They could drool…milk, like a baby.  Way less gross.

In closing, I'd like to say that Mummies are not the new zombies. I saw this on a blog or website somewhere and it is utter nonsense. I would even say ludicrous. (Yes, much more ludicrous than feeding zombies pop tarts.) Mummies are simply gift wrapped zombies. They can't scratch or bite you through all that cloth. They are harmless and the only time a harmless corpse is interesting is in a Tim Burton movie or Weekend at Bernie's (which I have never seen, but can only assume it is hilarious based on the fact that it was referenced in a How I Met Your Mother episode).



  1. Not to sound like a baby-hater or anything but drooling milk is pretty gross too...just sayin!

  2. LOL! You ARE a baby-hater! Geez! ;)